Letter to guilt

Dear guilt,

A long time ago, you took over a piece of my heart. I was a little girl then, a time when my heart had turned to ice. I felt so alone and empty, I called you my best friend. I talked to you, cried with you, shared my secrets with you. You gave me something no one else could give me, you made me feel not so alone in a world that has turned its back on me.

And yet, here I sit as an adult, feeling the weight on my chest where you still sit. Instead of crying with you, I cry because of you. Instead of taking my loneliness away now, I turn my back on the world to be with you. My heart has turned to ice once again. Sometimes I wish I could keep you, I know what I will feel when you are gone. The place in my heart you occupy, that place that has consumed my life, will be replaced with an emptiness that I almost can’t imagine. While the thought of giving you up terrifies me, I’m left with the bitter truth, if I don’t give you up I will die.

As much as I will grieve your loss, I’m left with a stillness at the thought of your departure. I dream of the things that will replace you, the joys, the sorrows. I dream of the ice around my heart finally melting. I will cry when you are gone, I will regret it and wish for you back, but at least I will be alive to do it.

Love,

Asa