Letter to Silence

Dear Silence,

When I was a child, you looked me in the face and told me you were the only one who loved me, that you would never betray me. I believed you with all my heart because you were the only one who was faithful, who never lied. In a world where the lifeless bodies of those who dared to speak were laid out in front of me, you protected me like an invisible shield. Today I look at you knowing that I am alive because of you, I truly owe you my life.

As I look you in the face today, though, I realize your soothing promises have turned to dark lies, that you have taken possession of my soul. Your hand squeezes my throat until my breath is shallow and weak, the weight of your presence holds me down with so much strength that daring to move seems impossible. As I look you in the eyes, I am consumed by a terror that words can’t describe. The terror of being owned by somebody again after finally feeling free, of the power you still hold over me. Yet, I am terrified of your absence, wondering who will protect me from the world you told me was so empty and cruel.

In your lies that endlessly roll through my mind, I found the one secret you never wanted me to know, I hold the power to silence you. Holding the knife in my hand, I kill you a little everyday by daring to speak out loud the secrets you told keep locked away, by putting pen to paper and writing the things you buried so deep inside of me you thought I ‘d never find them. You told me no one would ever believe, and sometimes you are right, but I realize now that the only one who truly needs to believe me is me, and everyday I share my secrets with myself, I feel your grip on my throat weaken.

As I take back my soul, piece by piece, and watch your figure shrink in front of me, I’m left with an emptiness that feels like it will never end, and yet, in that emptiness, I see myself standing with clenched fists staring at your face. You tell me no one can love me and protect like you, that you are the only one, and I tell you that you are wrong. In my deep emptiness that was once filled with your presence, I realize that the one person who can love me and protect me like no other is myself. Until the day I plunge the knife into you for the last time, I will fight you with everything I have, knowing my own soul depends on it.

Regards,

Asa