Dear Fear, I hear your whispered voice endlessly in my head, day after day. Your quiet voice manages to drown out almost everything else. Sometimes you are my best friend, you're always there when I'm alone, reminding me of how you were there for me when the world wasn't a safe place. At other times … Continue reading Letter to Fear

Dear Randy, I want to start this letter by saying I will no longer refer to you as my father. Aside from giving me life, which sometimes I am grateful for, you have done nothing to deserve the title. From a young age, you regularly raped and molested me. I buried those memories so deep … Continue reading Letter to Randy

Have you tried getting over it? It is in the past you know. It's over now, live for the present, the future. Forgive and forget. They are your parents, your family, you only get one. Are you sure you're remembering that correctly? Memories have been known to be false. Maybe you're just making it up … Continue reading Useful Advice I have Received (sarcasm implied)

The words "I love you" start to mean nothing, or worse, feel like poisonous darts shot from the faces of those meant to hold you in your pain, instead being the source. Loneliness, Christmases spent at a single table at the one open cafe, Thanksgivings spent eating a turkey sandwich realizing you have no one … Continue reading The Betrayal of Family

Dark, endless nights. Desperately seeking sleep, but it never comes. Words and images rush my mind, things I buried so deep inside me I forgot they existed. I wonder if they will ever end, like toxic substances being endlessly vomited up, purging my soul. The killing of blackness and whiteness. The sharp edges soften, colors … Continue reading We Who Believe In Freedom Cannot Rest

Stabbing pain in my heart Floods of tears Years of betrayal Rage and hate burn inside Loneliness consumes me like a thick mist My skin prickles from this blanket "Where am I," I ask A tangled net binds me Screams pour out of my mouth like rivers I claw desperately at my prison One string … Continue reading Am I Finally Free?

One morning I woke up and decided it was over. Today was the day I was going to die. That day I felt so powerful and smug. I looked around at the people in my life and smiled. I had a secret they didn't know. I smiled more at the thought of my parents, who's … Continue reading The Night God Saved My Life

I recently came across the phrase "love heals all wounds" for probably the umpteenth time in my life and I instantly scoffed. This was followed by tears welling up in my eyes. Growing up in a home and family that was devoid of love, I wondered if I really know what that was. I lived … Continue reading Does love heal all wounds?

Dear Inner Child, Today I see you, when I look in the mirror. I just want you to know that it's not your fault. I see you, today, as the five year old girl that was me so many years ago. You have on a little blue dress, long blond hair in ponytails, and tears … Continue reading Letter to my inner child

Rays of sun hit my face Tears slowly dry up I step outside and sigh Cool, morning air fills my lungs I wonder what will happen next to me A bird flies overhead A feather falls and brushes my cheek Whatever happens next will happen At least I will be alive to see it